Dear Queen, pt. II
Let God’s love for you reflect in how you love yourself.

Let God’s love for you reflect in how you love yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of the “men are dogs” narrative—and I’m sure the good men out there are also exhausted and worn down from attempting to fight a lose-lose battle trying to defend themselves against said narrative. It leaves us women hopeless, jaded, and it helps paint that “women are crazy” picture. Truthfully, it only supports a lie from the pit of hell—that God is not present in our lives, that He does not care about our needs, and that love between husband and wife is nothing but an age old fantasy. It’s all lies. 

Now, let’s be clear. I’m not throwing stones from a glass house. I am fully aware of the conversations that take place between me and the women in my life regarding men [as a whole], however, I’ve noticed that there are [too many] women who truly believe the “men are good for nothing” narrative. Yet, those same women continue to put themselves through unnecessary drama with those very men! The exact man that they know are not good for them—men who know of God, but don’t know Him. Men who does not have an authentic relationship with God, and men who’s desire for God goes no further than what they want God to do for them. 

Honestly, if you’re willing to sacrifice your time, to pour your energy into, and nurture a relationship with a “no good” man, why should God bring you His best. You obviously aren’t ready for mature, responsible, Christ-like, adult relations in the first place, because a woman who is clear about who she is in Christ would not subject herself to less than God’s best. She wouldn’t waste her God-given time on a man who has no true sense of self, and certainly not on a man who looks to any and everybody else to tell him who he is. 

This dishonors our Heavenly Father to speak so negatively and nastily about one of God’s creations. It is foolish and ignorant of us to tear down men and still expect them to step up. Remember,“… Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29).It is unwise of us to go against the word of God and leave our heart open and responsive to any ole’ body and get angry with God for not bringing us our husband. It is ungodly for us to attempt to manipulate a man into getting our desires met. It is foolish of us to choose an ungodly man and expect a God-oriented relationship and marriage, and then to expect to raise Christ-like children with said ungodly man.

Whoa! The devil is lie, sis. It doesn’t matter how good you are to him, how good you look, how intelligent you, or how perfect you attempt to be, you’d never be enough for the wrong man.

Sadly, truth be told, many women want a man who is only sort of good. They want a man that looks good and has fat pockets to impress others, but a man who is also messed up, just so they can say he changed for them. It allows them to boast about themselves because they’re the reason for his change. It foolishly allows them to think that they’re the only woman that can do for him what they have done for him. Let me tell you, it is arrogant of us to think that we can change a man. Period. 

I’ve said it many times (sometimes to simply remind myself—to keep things in perspective); stop thinking he will change for you. The “relationship experts” are wrong. Can you influence a man? Yes, absolutely. Can God use you to plant a seed, to inspire, uplift, and encourage someone? Yes, of course; but, he is not going to change for you. For true, authentic, lasting change, he must change for himself because of God. 

Even if you can (if God allows you to) manipulate, control, and temporarily “change” a man—it won’t be for long. If you are capable of getting that man using those tactics and under false pretenses, I sure do hope you know, it does notguarantee that God will allow you to keep him. By chance you get him, and you’re able to keep him—it will be because you have committed your life to playing manipulative games that will leave you worn out and too tired and too miserable to start over with someone new. 

If we know that God set you apart, why would you think that your mate is just one of many? He, too, is set apart. Don’t be less of a godly woman just to settle for a less than godly man. That bitterness will age you. That stress will wear on you. That constant heartache will discourage you. Don’t attach yourself to those things. So be better. Require better.