From one queen to another, let’s chat for a bit. :)
Often times, we, as women, tend to place the blame for failed relationships, communication breakdowns, and love lost on men. Now, I’m not saying this for the benefit of men, I’m saying this for our own good. It is time for us to face the harsh reality that as cliché as it may be, it takes two to tango. If it takes two to build the relationship up, it takes two to tear it down. With that being said, fellow queen, I challenge you to take a long look in the mirror and identify your own struggles; to uproot the buried traumas in your life; to be honest about what you lack; and to dig deep and evaluate who you are—not just who you want to be one day, or who you were, but who are you right now.
Are you who you would want your son to marry? Are you in a position to carry the [wonderful] burden of being committed to a truly, authentic Christ-like man? Do you know how to pick him? And, if you know what’s good for you and what’s not, which do you choose? Many of us choose the latter. There are plenty of wise women who knows enough to know what’s good for them, but are too far from God to accept anything less than God’s best. You see, “the godly walks with integrity,” (Proverbs 20:7). Accepting anything less than your worth [defined by God] is to dishonor and disrespect His wonderful creation—you.
It is each individual’s responsibility to take care of their heart. We are told this in Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” As women, it is up to us to know what we want, what we need, and what is good for us, and what needs to be left beyond. But more than that, it is up to us to have godly standards and accept only what is sent from God. It is up to us to have expectations that does not null and void God’s word, silence His voice, or remove His presence from our lives. It is up to us to choose wisely instead of settling for the ways of the world (ungodly behavior, relationships, expectations, and desires), to only find ourselves brokenhearted when God’s will isn’t done because we’ve made sure to exclude Him from the very beginning. The only way to know these things about ourselves and to understand our needs as spiritual beings is to seek Him first and fiercely. When we entertain wickedness, foolish and corrupt talk, and bad behavior, we are giving Satan a foothold to hold us captive in a sinful relationship, while losing sight of our God-given value as women—as human beings.
If you find yourself tangled up with a man who is not after God’s heart, what does that say about you and your relationship with Christ? Again, this isn’t about judgment, rather it’s about us being self-aware. It is not always the man’s “fault.” If you’re willing to engage in child’s play with a grown man, then that’s on you. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, and he will have to answer for his choices in this life with the Most High, but it does raise the question: who are we, as women, to judge a man so harshly for not being Christ-like when he doesn’t even desire to know Christ in the first place? Who are we to denounce God’s creation (men), when we’re choosing men who aren’t choosing Him? I mean honestly, we have got to stop expecting God’s best from the men who are lukewarm, inconsistent, and uncommitted to living a life that brings honor and glory to His Holy Name.
So, queen, let’s stop wasting time being angry, depressed, or bitter over a man who has done nothing good for us. Let’s stop replacing time that we could be spending getting to know God better, with complaining about all the wrong guys. Let’s stop spewing negativity and hatred for one of God’s best creations. Let’s stop getting mad for being played, when it was us who played ourselves first. What we allow in our life, the relationships we choose to nurture, the people we give access to, are nothing more than a reflection of our relationship with Christ. So again, I say, discover those traumas you’ve buried deep, explore your heart, and allow God to cleanse and purify your spirit so that you don’t self-sabotage. God has a good, godly man for you, so let’s make sure we’re ready to receive our blessings and accept no distractions.
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Dear Queen, pt. II will be available Thursday, December 6, 2018 at 8:00 a.m. EST