A few weeks ago, in conversation, I made the following statement: “if someone is willing to lose you, then they do not want you.” Now, in all fairness, I was speaking about a person and situation I am very familiar with, but it did get me to thinking. Often, we say things like that bluntly, with no explanation. Although I do believe that the statement is true, I must admit it is also a loaded statement, and it deserves some explanation. So, let’s talk about what it means (looks like) for someone to be willing to lose someone.
Now, I’m sure we all have seen the signs before—whether we were looking in on someone else’s situation or experienced it for ourselves, first hand. Disrespect in any form reveals one’s willingness to lose you. If they are willing to disrespect you, they are willing to lose you, period. It doesn’t matter if the disrespect comes in the form of neglect, selfishness, cheating, lying, and so forth. If that person continues to commit the same offense, again and again; if there is a lack of consideration for you and your emotions or if they dismiss you (even if passively); if they treat you lesser than—not loving you as they love themselves and put others above you; if there are double-standards in your relationship; ultimately, if they have one foot in and one foot out the door (demonstrated through their actions and speech), they are disrespecting you. If they are comfortable enough to disrespect you, understand, they are willing to lose you, and when that is the case, trust, they do not want you.
I’ve been there, done that. I’ve had a guy lie to me from the beginning about big things one should never lie about or withhold when pursuing someone. I’ve experienced a guy cheat on me and lie to me. I’ve experienced a guy choose selfishness, putting himself and others above me. I will be the first to say, they did not want me. It doesn’t matter that at times their actions reflected different, or that we enjoyed each other's company, and they could be so sweet with their words at times. When you want something, you treat it with respect. If someone wants a job, I guarantee you, they will show up on time, prepared for that interview. If someone wants to buy a car, home, or whatever, they will do all that they can to make it happen. And trust me, when that person gets that job or that new thing, they will treat it with respect. They’re not going to disrespect their boss, trash their house, and so on. Too many of us say we want this or that from God, asking for miracles and blessings beyond compare, but won’t even bother to remain obedient to His word. Let me tell you, they do not want that miracle or blessing they keep begging for. They do not want it bad enough, and they surely do not want the responsibility that comes with having it. So the next time a man or woman attempts to tell you that they want you, while choosing to disrespect you, do not be fooled. They are simply saying they want the benefits that comes with having you, but they do not want any part in working to get you or keep you.
You see, a man or woman that wants you will not be opposed to doing the work. If they are willing to lose you to someone who sees your value as God sees your value, trust me, they do not want you. Believe me when I tell you, there is someone who is capable, willing, and ready to love you as God says you deserve to be loved. As I said to my Instagram family before, “When your heart is truly in it, no man or woman, no circumstance or situation, no distance, no opinion can stop you…” I know y’all hear me, but do y’all really hear me? Do not allow yourself to fall victim to someone’s empty promises, shallow feelings, or downright bad behavior. A mistake, an error in judgement is one thing. None of us are perfect. There will come a time when we may allow our emotions to get the best of us and regrettably misstep. However, a habit is another. Do not give your time, do not waste your youth on someone who will use you for target practice in hopes that they break their bad habits. Disrespect is not just a bad habit, but it’s a character flaw.
Too often, we allow people to get away with doing wrong because it’s a “bad habit” of theirs. Let’s be clear, it’s a choice—a choice that they are comfortable making because they have made it is habit, but it is still a choice nonetheless. So, if he or she is creating doubt in your mind; causing you to fight with them instead of fighting for them (because ma'am/sir, there is a difference), weighing you down with emotional grief rather than supplying emotional relieve or has you steadily trying to convince them of why you are worth it and the relationship is worthwhile; and if their actions make loving them more of a chore than an honor and blessing, let them go. Because when they are doing all of that, they certainly do not want you enough to love you and if they aren’t offering you love, then you certainly don’t need the bare minimum of what they are willing to give you, just to keep you around.
So, I can confidently say, “if someone is willing to lose you, then they do not want you," simple as that.
What do you think?
What does it look like to you for a person to be willing to lose someone?
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Until next time,
Peace.